Weight gain in midlife: Redefining success in diet and lifestyle

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My pants feel a bit tighter around my waist. Some clothes don’t fit at all. My insides feel…“thicker”. I can see clues that my body, like every other woman in her late 40’s, is having a “re-allocation of assets”, even though I haven’t changed much with my diet and lifestyle (intentional movement, sleep, stress management, alcohol use).  

I’ve been preparing myself for this change in my weight. Weight concerns in midlife are common. With hormonal changes (including declining estrogen), reduced muscle mass, and natural aging processes in progress, there is often unexpected weight gain and a change in where our body fat is stored in our bodies, among many other perimenopausal changes (103 to be precise) occurring within our body. 

It could be easy to wonder – have I done something wrong? Could I be doing more to “fight” these changes? My facebook and Instagram feeds try to lure me down this path…

So many of us have learned to equate “success” from diet and lifestyle efforts with a specific weight range or jean size. We feel frustrated or defeated when our bodies don’t match what we once had. We do diligent research, we listen to podcasts, we talk with our friends, we compare ourselves to bodies around us. We wonder whether the shake or supplement that our facebook friend is promoting could work for us? We search for answers that will help us get back into our closet full of clothes that no longer fits. Sigh. 

When your midlife body doesn’t change from your diet and lifestyle efforts, it’s time to redefine “success”.

Weight gain in midlife: Instead of swimming upstream, it is time to shift our approach

Lots is changing in a woman’s life at this stage. Changes in her family, friends, work and life roles, finances, and health profile are just some of what she is navigating, in addition to physical changes.

The playing field in our lives has changed. What used to “work” in the past for weight management no longer works today (no, you didn’t miss the memo). Research finds that women wished they had been more prepared for these physical and psychological experiences of aging which is one of the reasons why I write about this here.   

While these physical changes in our body feel unwelcome, they are expected. But how we respond to these changes needs to shift so we can preserve our overall physical and psychological well-being. Eating disorders do occur in middle and older aged people who identify as women (and among those who identify as men). 

Instead of responding to our changing body in the ways our culture has conditioned us (ie:  pathological eating and body dissatisfaction), what if we redefined “success”?

What if we worked to take a different way forward? One where our “success” isn’t tied to a number on the scale or our clothing, but instead, to feeling better nourished, and feeling strong and confident in our body and mind? 

Instead of focusing solely on physical appearance, what if we defined success as caring for our bodies with (mostly) nourishing food, energizing movement, stress resilience, adequate rest and supportive relationships, and aligning our actions with what we truly value?  With this approach, we support our body in ways that are energizing and empowering.

These new markers of “success” are more attainable, especially as we consider that women are feeling quite lousy at this phase in life. The top 10 symptoms reported by women in perimenopause and menopause include:

• Fatigue/lack of energy (72%)
• Brain fog (66%)
• Sleep issues (65%)
• Memory loss and forgetfulness (63%)
• Anxiety (60%)
• Joint pain (58%)
• Lack of concentration (57%)
• Lack of focus (57%)
• Hot flashes (57%)
• Loss of or low libido (57%).

Hormonal shifts in perimenopause and menopause affect more than just our physical shape. The same hormones that manage our cycles also influence serotonin, which affects our mood, energy, and even brain clarity. When estrogen and progesterone levels drop, it’s common to feel anxious, sad, or mentally foggy. These shifts can easily lead us to believe that our body is the problem. 

By understanding what is driving these changes, and reframing our perspective, we might see that these changes call for a new, kinder approach to our body.

Weight gain in midlife: the risky pursuit of “success” with diet and lifestyle

Research has found that among women experiencing more peri-menopause symptoms, there is a significant association with eating disturbances (more “restrained eating”), and greater shape and weight concerns. To me, this isn’t surprising. We have been conditioned to respond to changes in body size and shape with restrictive dieting. 

What is more concerning is that these shifting hormones have been tied to binge eating and body dissatisfaction, putting women at risk for the development of eating disorders or re-activating previous eating disorders. 

Eating disorders, including binge-eating disorder, and disordered eating are serious mental health disorders that benefit from treatment from a qualified team that includes a physician, a psychologist and a dietitian experienced in this area

Weight gain in midlife: grieving our changing body 

When our body changes, we might feel a sense of loss. In some of my learning from dietitian and body image coach, Amanda Mittman, shared at the EmpowerRD Nutrition Counseling and Coaching Menopause Series, society places high value on youth and smaller bodies. It is a source of social power for those privileged with smaller bodies. As we naturally lose some of these attributes, we feel a sense of grief and loss. 

According to Amanda, this grief around our bodies may look like:

• Feeling discomfort with our body’s appearance,
• Worrying about how others perceive us, and desperately wanting to evade unsolicited comments from those around us (ie – family, friends, strangers). 
• Missing the compliments that often come with youth or a smaller body,
• Avoiding activities that we once loved due to discomfort, insecurity, or not feeling good.

It’s normal to feel grief for a changing body. It is hard to live in a midlife body for many reasons, including our fat phobic and diet-centric culture and health-care system.

Our bodies change as we go through life, both because of changing hormones and because of aging. While we may grieve this loss, what if we also focused on cultivating a more neutral, accepting stance toward our changing bodies? 

We don’t need to *love* every inch of ourselves. But learning to respect and care for the body we have today can be…freeing.

Weight gain in midlife: Moving toward body acceptance or at least neutrality

Accepting our changing body doesn’t mean giving up! Of course our diet and nutrition matter at this stage of life! But it does mean that the playing field has changed and so should our approach and expectations. 

Accepting our changing body means working with what we have and meeting ourselves where we are. This approach, known as body neutrality, encourages us to treat our bodies with respect—regardless of our appearance. From this foundation, we can learn new skills and find ways to listen to our body’s needs, trust our body’s cues, and support it with kind, balanced, intentional choices. 

Practices that support our body image

To support this mindset of body neutrality, we shift our focus from numbers on the scale to practices that support our body image.

One such approach is body appreciation, where we recognize and are grateful for what our body can do, regardless of its shape or size. This might mean appreciating how our legs carry us throughout our day. Appreciating our body’s strength to carry us through illness. Appreciating how our body extracts nutrition from our meals and transforms it into vital energy. It means honoring our body and all the ways it has helped us get to where we are today. 

Another approach is functional satisfaction, where we celebrate our body’s abilities, from daily tasks to physical activities, rather than focusing only on appearance. Practicing this could mean focusing on our strength and fitness gains or improved mobility. 

Intentional movement has been shown to improve body image beyond just physical appearance. Studies indicate that engaging in regular physical activity—regardless of the type—can boost mental well-being and body satisfaction. It’s not about “burning calories” but rather moving in ways that feel enjoyable and empowering. Intentional movement also has other known health benefits for our physical health, metabolic health and mental health. 

Practices like mindfulness, media literacy (understanding the unrealistic images in the media), and positive self-talk can help protect us from comparing ourselves to others or overly internalizing societal standards. It can also help protect us from comparing ourselves to a younger version of ourselves. 

Developing a positive body image doesn’t mean ignoring the changes we go through—it means accepting our body’s story and its capabilities. It means honoring the story that our bodies tell about our lives. 

Weight gain in midlife: Redefining success with midlife diet & lifestyle

This quote, from Dr Michael Vallis, psychologist at Dalhousie University, is one that I like to share with clients.  

“There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve how you look. But to have lasting satisfaction, you need to have a healthful balance between your willingness to work at self-improvement and your willingness to accept your biological limits and work with realistic expectations.”

(Cognitive Behavioural Workbook for Weight Management, 2012). 

Our journey through midlife can feel lighter and more joyful when we create a definition of wellness that aligns with our values rather than appearance. Take time to ask yourself what truly matters to you in this season of life? Is it feeling more energetic, being present with family, or finding joy in movement?

Defining wellness by how you feel instead of how you look allows for a more fulfilling and sustainable path to self-care.

Midlife is an opportunity to connect with ourselves on a deeper level, cultivating health that goes far beyond our appearance.

Final thoughts on midlife body changes

Midlife can be a time when we invest time to truly confront our struggles and the areas that get in the way of our well-being. You don’t have to suffer through this stage of life, nor do you need to do this alone. 

Midlife nutrition includes the nutrition that our bodies need, and exploring our eating behaviours such as unplanned snacking and binge eating. We can develop skills to help us eat well more consistently, like flexible meal planning, and mindful eating so that we can attune to our bodies’ needs. We can practice skills like “notice and name” our thoughts and feelings so we can start to feel our feelings, rather than pushing them away. We can seek support from a qualified mental health professional to heal our wounds. 

We can also work on skills such as moving our bodies often and well, developing skills for planning and preparing for stress, as well as distress tolerance. We can work on skills for improving sleep quantity and sleep quality. Skills for sleep and stress help us rely less on substances like alcohol, cannabis and caffeine. 

I may not be the same size anymore. But is that really what I want to be known for?  I sure hope that the legacy I am building has a hell of a lot more depth to it than the size and shape of my body.

Sources consulted in writing this blog post:

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