9 holiday living tips to help you achieve balance without militance or defiance

 Print

I don’t want to write another list of holiday living tips for managing the season. The internet is full of these kinds of lists! And while many of the ideas can be helpful, sometimes they leave me feeling a bit lost about which random list of tips will actually help me. Can you relate?

Without context, holiday living tips can feel like a prescriptive list of rules of what we “should” and “shouldn’t” do. This can result in militance, with us rigidly following every tip, while stripping us of our agency to impact our lives.

Holiday living tips lists can also result in defiance, with us rebelliously negating every tip, while robbing us of the chance to enjoy the holiday season with some balance that might actually feel good.

When planted in the appropriate “garden”, holiday living tips can help us flourish. We need to first identify the kind of garden we want to plant.

It is important to me that my clients feel empowered and in charge of their own lives (versus feeling like the recipient of advice, which can bring out our inner rebel). I want to offer you some tips to help you manage the holiday season, and help you slay your holiday dragons.

Achieving balance without militance or defiance in the holiday season

9 holiday living tips to help you manage the season

Tip #1 – Identify what you actually want for the holiday season

What is it that you actually want for your holiday season?

When I ask my clients this, most people WANT to be able to enjoy traditional holiday foods. Who doesn’t want to enjoy Grandma’s famous butter tarts?!

Let’s take your goal a bit deeper. How do you want to feel at the end of the holiday season? What are the qualities of how you want to feel? Energized? Balanced? Relaxed? Complete? Expanding your goal to include some of these qualities can help you decide which actions you want to take and the tips that will help you get there.

How do you want your relationship with food to be? How do you want your relationship with your body to be? How do you want to care for your mind, body and spirit during the holidays?

Once you identify what YOU actually want in the holidays, the tips that will help can become more relevant and helpful.

Tip #2 – What does “good” look like under imperfect conditions?

Life isn’t perfect. There are many aspects of the holiday season that are out of our control: what food is served; what drinks are offered; who shows up at gatherings.

But this isn’t your first holiday season rodeo. Pause to reflect – what do you want and how might you navigate the anticipated roadblocks? What could “good” look like under these conditions? What options do you have? What are the choices you want to make?

And by the way, it is perfectly acceptable to enjoy the butter tart or other form of personally important holiday experience.

Tip #3 – What DO you have influence (or some influence) over?

We have some control and agency over our holidays. We can choose what gatherings we attend. We can choose for how long we stay. We can limit our exposure to certain people or situations. We can choose the variety of foods that we offer to ourselves and our loved ones.

How could you influence these conditions? How do you want to influence these conditions? What could you bring that would help you? What could you add to your life the next day that would be important enough that it influences the time you might commit to leaving a gathering?

Tip #4 – What else can you focus on around the holidays, beyond the food and alcohol?

Yes, food and sometimes alcohol are part of our holiday seasons. And there is so much more. The music? The people? The setting? The décor? The games? The peace and quiet? Expand your lens of focus to include all the people, places and experiences that make up a holiday season for you.

Tip #5 – How do you want to manage difficult holiday emotions?

The holiday season isn’t a dream time for all of us. Some of us are navigating difficult situations and experiences that are amplified this time of the year: difficult relationships, painful memories, painful unsolicited comments, substance use, addictions, grief and loss, and other experiences that we cannot control.

What permission do you need to give yourself to get through? What supports do you need to put into place to take care of yourself?

Tip #6 – Choose to spend time with and in environments where you feel a sense of belonging.

If you are doing the obligatory dinner with people who deplete you, put some boundaries in place to honor yourself. You might stay for dinner and leave shortly after. Who do you need to reach out to? Who can you add into your life? Adding in someone to your life can be in the form of a gathering, as well as a text, a phone call, a message.

Tip #7 – Play BINGO

We can often predict certain things will happen in the holiday season. We may eat to the point where we feel uncomfortable. We might have one too many shortbread cookies. We might have an uncomfortable conversation with someone at an event. We can predict that something unexpected might happen. We can acknowledge these situations with kindness and then move on. This kind of BINGO can help to depersonalize things and swap self-talk from criticizing to noticing, acknowledging and then moving on.

We can also look at BINGO from a lens of what do we want to add IN to our lives over the holiday season.

• Most of us feel way better in our bodies when we have fresh air. Bundle up and get outside!
• Many of us feel better when we get some kind of intentional movement. Stretch your shoulders. Do some yoga or pilates. Go for a walk. Rent some snowshoes.
• In a season of cookies and baking, many of us crave the lightness of balance. Add in a leafy green salad. Drink some water. Create a veggie platter for munching. Have a simple soup for dinner.

Tip #8 – Assertively respond with unsolicited comments about your food and body

Other people’s intrusive comments on our bodies and what is on our holiday plate or bowl are hurtful and can be devastating. Assertively responding to these experiences can help set boundaries that protect our spirits. “Your comment is hurtful. I don’t need your help”.  “My body is not your concern”. Repeat as necessary.

These situations are not easy to navigate. Seek support from a qualified mental health professional to help you learn skills and strategies to navigate these (common) situations.

Tip #9 – Feedback is information (not failure)

There is no such thing as failure. I prefer to think of perceived failure as feedback to an area of our lives we might need some help with. While many of us “know” about nutrition, translating our knowledge of food can be so tricky. Work with a dietitian or nutritionist with whom you connect and trust to learn some new skills, practices and actions to help move you toward your own vision of wellness.

Final thoughts on achieving balance without militance or defiance in the holiday season

It is a holi-DAY, not a holi-month. Slow down from your fast-forward life and take in all of what fills your cup. Eat slowly and mindfully, exploring every yummy flavour note of your favourite holiday foods. Enjoy this holiday season with balance, not militance or defiance. Seek support where it helps you. Take actions that matter to YOU.

I’d love to hear from you – what holiday living tips do you find helpful?